A BlueHaired Boy's Troubles
by The Lanternkeeper
Summary: Well, it's a collection of songfics, but I've tried to do some less-well-known songs in them. Please read, you might like what you find! Rated T for violence and language.
1. Secret Police, Pt1

**Had this idea in my head forEVER and I'm just now getting it out, but hey, better late than never, hm? So, yeah, this is my FIRST VOCALOID FANFIC EVAR! :D**

**Anyway, this is a series of songfics, sort of tied together. Each songfic should take about two or three chapters. There's no real plotline, but they're all set in virtually the same setting. Oh, and it's almost all from a certain blue-haired guy's POV. ;D**

**Disclaimer: I may be part Japanese, but sadly, that does not entitle me to the owning of VOCALOID. T.T Oh, well. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Miku." The teal-haired girl looked up from her food. She sat across from me as we were eating lunch. Same as every other day.

"Yeah?"

I cleared my throat, and my voice dropped to a hushed whisper. "Have you heard anything from Squad Alpha yet?"

She stared at me blankly. "Kaito... We're Squad Alpha."

I blushed, and she started giggling. "Oh... I knew that. Geez, I mean, what do you think I am, an idiot?" I laughed nervously.

She stopped giggling finally and looked at me seriously. "Do you mean our little blond friends in Squad Beta?" she asked, scratching the side of her nose with one finger.

I had to go through my brain to remember who that was. "Uhh... Oh! Yeah. Yeah, that's who I meant. Yeah, of course."

Rolling her eyes, she answered, "They still haven't sent back a progress report. It's actually getting on my nerves a little bit."

"So, wait..." I mumbled, trying to figure out what I was going to ask her. "If we're Squad Alpha, and they're Squad Beta, who's in the other squads? Wait, how many Squads do we have?" I asked, looking hopelessly at her.

"Ugh!" She banged her head on the table, her left pigtail just barely missing her salad bowl.

'Phew,' I thought. 'That was close.' If she had gotten dressing on her hair, she would have undoubtedly blamed me for it.

"Why do you keep asking me this? Didn't you write this stuff on your hand?" she asked as she lifted her head up and rested it on her hand.

I looked blankly at my right palm. "It got smudged," I told her, showing her the black smear with a puppy-dog-like dependence on her.

"I also gave you a paper with it written on it. Remember that?" she said slowly, as though she were addressing a child.

With my eyebrows scrunched, I checked my pockets. "Uh-oh..." I said quietly, hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"Oh, my God," she said, covering her eyes with her hand.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear!"

She started hissing, "I cannot believe that you lost it! That paper had all of our information on it! Our mission teams, our phone numbers, our-" She gasped. "Our secret base. What if it's been compromised? Come on, we have to go check this out!" She grabbed my sleeve and started dragging me through the halls towards the office.

"Yes, may I help you?" the secretary at the office asked severely. "Oh, Miku, Kaito. What a... surprise. I suspect whatever news you have to tell me isn't good?" She lowered her glasses and brushed her long blond ponytail behind her back.

"Neru, our secret base may have been compromised, thanks to this blue-haired idiot," Miku informed her, jerking her thumb in my direction. Before I could speak up, she cut me off. "I need you to gather up the rest of Squads Gamma through Zeta, except for Meiko, and meet us there. If there's a fight waiting, we'll need everyone we can get. If there isn't... Well, we still need to have a meeting."

The Boucaloid nodded, and yelled behind her, "Karen, I'm taking my lunch break now, I need you to cover my shift for me." There came a small reply of affirmation, and Neru took off her glasses and got out from behind her desk. "Let's go."

We began walking, Miku still dragging me by the sleeve. Even though I was two years older than she was, and a whole lot taller, she demanded respect. Basically, she thought the world was hers. "So, wait," I began as soon as we and Neru went separate ways. "Who is she gathering again? And, um, why isn't she getting Meiko-san?"

"Squads Gamma through Zeta, keep up, Kaito, God!" came her impatient reply. Silently, I blinked twice. She groaned in exasperation. "Here," she spat, and shoved a laminated card with the title, 'Hatsune Secret Police' on it. It was in perfect condition, since she never had to use it.

This is what it said:

Squad Alpha: Miku and Kaito

Squad Beta: Rin and Len

Squad Gamma: Gumi and Gakupo

Squad Delta: Luka and Meiko

Squad Epsilon: Haku and Neru

Squad Zeta: Teto and Ted

"Oh, okay," I said, repeating it over and over in my head so that I wouldn't forget it. Hopefully.

"We're not getting Meiko because her classroom is our secret entrance, remember?" We made our way to classroom 161, where Meiko was sitting at her 'teacher's' desk.

"Miku-chan, Kaito-chan, what are you doing here? You don't have my class until later." Meiko stood up and addressed us, as I went to go sit down in a desk. I'd been walking all morning, and I was _really_ tired.

"Meiko-sensei, we need to get to the secret base. That blue _baka_ over there lost his information card, so we're all in danger," she told her, pointing at me.

Meiko face-palmed, then went behind her desk and pushed the secret button. The desk I was sitting in flipped backwards, ejecting me out of it and into a pile of precariously arranged books in the back of the classroom. The flipped desk revealed a trap door that slid open with a whoosh, allowing an elevator car to come up.

"Kaito! Quit messing around and get in!" Miku yelled at me. Rubbing my head and my back, I got up and staggered into the booth. The doors sealed closed, and we went down, with the classroom going back to normal as we left.

"Ow..." I moaned as we sped down far under the school.

Miku, still seething with anger, started hitting me, her rage finally bubbling over. "I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE MORON! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY LOSE THAT INFORMATION?"

"E-heh..." I whined as she continued beating me. "Meiko-sensei..."

Meiko stepped between us and admonished Miku. "Miku, you and I both know what you just did was wrong. You're supposed to do it like this!" she exclaimed.

"Wha-? Ow!" I cried as the two girls continued ganging up on me.

After what seemed like forever, we finally arrived, and I stopped being abused. In the reflectiveness of the elevator door, I was able to see myself. I had a black eye and a bloody nose. Huh. They usually hit harder.

"Kaito!"

"Eh? Coming!" I cried, hurrying to catch up, not wanting any more pain. We were walking through a long tunnel underground, and I had to duck my head to avoid banging my head against the stalactites.

Eventually, we came to a door with a keypad and a sensor plate by it. Miku tapped in her code and let the sensor plate scan her eye. The door slid open, and she marched through. Meiko did the same thing, and I was the only one left. "Umm..." I stammered.

"Kaito! Quit screwing around and put in your code, for God's sake!" Miku yelled.

"I... Umm... That is, to say... I sort of... forgot it..." I admitted shyly. I don't know why, I mean, she was on the other side of a solid steel door.

There was a loud bang from there, and I pictured Miku slamming her head against it.

"Kaito, it's 1-2-3-4, remember?" Meiko said, in a dangerously controlled voice.

"Oh... Oh, yeah..." I typed in the code and let the sensor scan my good eye. The door slid open and I stepped through hesitantly. A little too hesitantly.

As I stepped through, my muffler waved behind me, and it got caught in the door. "Ack!" I gagged as I was momentarily choked before remembering to step back so I wouldn't get killed. "Um, guys?"

Meiko and Miku, who were already continuing down the corridor that led to the meeting room, stopped and turned around.

"I'm stuck."

That did it for Miku. "AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" she bellowed as she broke off a spike from the ceiling and threatened to impale me with it. I screamed in terror as she approached.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, there! Let's just calm down for a second," came a voice, smooth like silk. A purple-haired man stepped out into the corridor, placing his hand on Miku's spike.

"Gakupo," Meiko said. She was the only one of us able to speak, since my heart and lungs were in overdrive, threatening to explode, and Miku was still breathing heavily out of sheer rage and frustration. "Finally, someone sensible."

"Miku, Miku, listen to me. Look at me, okay, breathe. In, out, in, out," Gakupo calmed her down, placing one hand on her shoulder and the other on her spike, trying to pry it out of her hands. "Good, good, now don't you feel a lot better?" he asked after he finally got me out of danger.

She was still breathing hard, but she was getting better. "Yeah..." She took a deep breath. "Yes, I feel much better now. Thanks, Gakupo," she said, hugging him.

"Um, help, please?" I muttered nervously.

Gakupo looked over at me and said, "Dude, just take your muffler off."

A look of shock flashed on my face. "And leave this beautiful thing here? Here, in this dirty cave? No way, never." I crossed my arms and tried to sit down, until I realized that I didn't have enough slack on my scarf to do that, even though my back was against the door.

Meiko sighed, walked over, and pried the doors open just enough to let me free and not do any permanent damage to them. "Thanks, Meiko, I-" She slapped me across the face.

"_Baka_," she muttered as she continued walking. I rubbed my cheek as I followed her.

"Ow..."

When we stepped into the room, everybody was already there. I think.

Miku sat down at her seat at the head of the table. She was the ringleader of our little secret police. I sat at her right hand. "Alright, first things first. Attendance." She pulled out a clipboard. "Miku, Kaito, Meiko," she muttered hurriedly before getting down to real business. "Rin, Len, you're back from your mission. Good," she smiled, then continued. "Gumi?"

"Here!" The green-haired carrot lover sat next to me and was as energetic as ever. "Ooh, Kaito, what happened?" she asked concernedly.

"I was stupid again," I said, tearing up, my head down in shame.

"There, there," she said, giving me a gentle hug.

I sniffed. "Miku's really mad at me."

"She'll get over it, don't worry."

"Ahem," Miku cleared her voice. "Finished?"

Gumi released me and leaned back in her chair. "Oh, lighten up a little."

Miku rolled her eyes. "Gakupo?"

"Here." He sat on Gumi's other side.

"Luka?"

"Here." The pink-haired woman sat at Miku's left, with the Kagamine twins on Luka's other side.

"Haku?"

"Here," she called, not drunk for once. She sat next to Rin.

"Neru?"

"Here," came her voice from next to Haku.

"Teto?"

"_Hai_, captain!" Teto sat next to Gakupo, with Ted on the other side.

"Ted?"

"..." He nodded mutely. His voice was a lot like his sister's, which was why he didn't talk very much. He hated being compared to her.

"Good, we're all here. I trust you've all been informed of why we're here?" There was a scattering of confirmation around the room. "Alright, so we need to-" She was cut off by a knocking at the door. A knocking that shouldn't have been there. Everybody's head turned.

Miku made no move towards it, apparently frozen in fear. "Kaito," she whispered, panicked. "Go look. Go check it out."

Trembling, I got up and made my way towards the door, where the knocking continued, and was getting louder and faster. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. "H-Hello?" I said, hoping my voice didn't just crack like I thought it did.

"You are all under arrest." A man stood there, a few inches taller than me, and quite a bit brawnier, too. His black hair and grey eyes increased his looking like a businessman. Everybody in the room gasped. "Take them," he said to the multiple school revolt management officers behind him. After that, he elbowed me in the chest, knocking me out of the way, and laid his hands roughly on Miku's shoulders. Too roughly. "So, you're the head of this little operation, hm? Well, I-"

Now it was the officers' turn to gasp, as they were just now starting to enter the conference room. After gathering my strength in a brief moment, I had, in a manner that was very unlike the usual me, jumped into the air and spinning-back-kicked the man in the side, sending him flying across the room away from Miku. As all of our members knew, he had crossed the line and taken me into what we called, 'Ruthless Mode'. Glaring, I strode towards him, oblivious to all my surroundings.

"Who the hell do you think you are, bastard?" I growled at him, grabbing his lapels brusquely as I began throttling him. "You think you can just grab any girl you want however you want to? Do you?" I began screaming, as I ceased throttling and began slamming my fists across his face and body. "YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALTZ IN HERE AND DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT? YOU THINK YOU CAN INTERRUPT A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING? WELL, GUESS WHAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU CAN'T!" I cut off, putting all my emphasis and power into the last syllable, punching him so hard in the mouth that several teeth went flying out of his mouth.

"...Tch," the man smirked as he wiped the blood off his mouth. "Pathetically weak, as to be expected from mere children." I gasped as he cracked his neck muscles, standing up. He flexed his vast muscles, putting me and what I thought was a pretty spectacular show of power to utter shame. His tone changed back from mocking to serious, as he backhanded me across the face, slamming me against a wall.

I began losing consciousness as the officers finally began flooding into the room, taking my friends down one by one. Miku, Luka, Len, Rin, everybody.

"Run!" Miku yelled to the members at the farther end of the table, but we had no such luck. Officers had already found our second entrance and had entered the room from the opposite side.

"Your little revolution," the businessman said to Miku, "has failed. Better luck next time. Oh, wait... There won't be a next time. Take them to the holding cells, and make sure that they have no weapons with them," he said, changing his focus from her to the second-in-command officers. They saluted, one of them grabbed me and dragged me away, and then it all went black.

* * *

**Whew! Sorry that was so lengthy, I just could not find a place to stop for the life of me. Sorry... -.-' So, anyway, how'd you like it? Be sure to leave any comments you have in the reviews, please! Arigatou gozaimasu!**


	2. Secret Police, Pt2

**Hi there! I'm ba-ack! So, I tried to get back on this ASAP, so here goes! This chapter has Kaito getting his "just desserts," (no pun intended) thanks to my anonymous friend. NOT MY FAULT! I promise, the next chapter will be better.**

**Also, if you ship GumixGakupo, then you'd best look away now. If you like MikuxKaito, however (which was also my anonymous friend's idea), feel free to stay.**

**Warning: There's a bit more language in this one, just FYI.**

**Disclaimer: I'm saving up for Miku, but I still don't own VOCALOID. :'(**

* * *

Miku's POV

So cold. So alone. Everybody else had someone else with them in their cell, but I had no one. I huddled in the corner for warmth, trying to plan. After they had arrested us, they'd taken us to the school's prison, and had thrown us in there unceremoniously to await our punishment.

Gumi was crying in the cell left of mine, with Gakupo comforting her, like a proper big brother. In the cell above mine, Meiko was raging against the bars, yelling how she would not be treated this way, how she had important things to take care of, and how she was totally going to kick the guards' collective asses when she got out. Luka remained silent and stoic. In the room to my right, Neru was reacting similarly to Meiko, and Haku was crying silently, that much I could see. Teto and Ted were in another cell block altogether, so I had no idea what was happening. Rin and Len were across the hallway from me, both looking listless. I felt so bad, so rotten inside, for getting everyone into this mess.

Everyone except for Kaito was in cells. Kaito had been taken for some sort of "special punishment," which made me cringe every time I thought about what sort of horrors he was going through. Oh, my God... He had defended me faithfully, and he was getting the worst, it seemed like. Squeezing my legs closer to my chest, I began to cry. I didn't know how I was going to live with myself after this. Would he forgive me? Would he even speak to me? The anxiety, the guilt, the solitude... They all threatened to destroy me. What have I done...?

"Miku." A voice from across the hall. Rin.

I mumbled, "Not now, Rin."

"Look, I'm only going to say this once," she declared in a whisper, grasping the bars of her restraint. "You, my friend, have been through much worse than this. We'll get out of this, just like we always do. So quit thinking like that! It doesn't do anybody any good, and furthermore, it annoys the crap out of everyone else! Hatsune Miku does **not** cower in the corner. She finds a way out and delivers a beatdown to her enemies, got it? We've accomplished so much, our group. Are you willing to let that go? All of it? Because let me tell you right now, th-" The door at the end of the hall slammed open, and she went back to slumping against the wall.

I heard the rhythmic footsteps of the guards, accompanied by a constant dragging sound. I looked up out of my arms towards the door, and saw the guards unlatch it and throw the large bundle that they were dragging between them in with me. When I got a closer look, I saw that it was a boy. Severely bloated, yes, but a boy nonetheless. His hands were bound, he was blindfolded, and he had a gag in his mouth. 'Who could it be?' I thought as I began fumbling with the blindfold's knots. Just as I managed to undo the knots, the door slammed shut again, and the guards walked away.

"No..." I whispered as I gazed into the familiar eyes of my partner.

* * *

Kaito's POV

"No..." I heard her whisper as my blindfold was removed.

My chest heaved up and down as I tried to relay my relief that it was her. I had forgotten about the gag in my mouth, so it all came out muffled. She then busied herself with undoing my hands so that I could take my gag out myself. Once I had done so, I scrambled over to the wall and resumed breathing heavily.

She crawled over to me, and began surveying me. I spoke first. "Thank... God, it's you, Miku... I thought they were going to kill me back there," I managed to push out between breaths.

"What... What the hell happened to you?" she whispered, gesturing to my stomach, which was inflated with so much ice cream that it felt like it would pop if touched. My black shirt had ridden up part of my torso, exposing said gut. "What have they done to you?" she hissed.

I kept breathing heavily, coughing occasionally, until I had regained enough air that I could speak again. "They... knew about my love of ice cream, so the head of this place thought it would be... _funny,_ if my punishment consisted of the thing that I love. _Hardy-har-har_," I laughed sarcastically at the end. "Oww..." I moaned, clutching my distended belly. "I'm so cold..."

Considerately, she hugged me lightly around the chest, whispering, "I'm so sorry, Kaito. I swear to God I'll get back at them." I felt something wet against my shirt, and hugged her head against me.

"I forgive you," I murmured back, knowing exactly what was on her mind.

She looked up at me, swallowed her fear and her tears, and told me seriously, "We've got to get out of here."

I laughed lightly, then responded, "Damn right we do." Why was I so light-hearted all of a sudden? Why, because I had my Miku back. Not the sad one, but the one that was really mine. The one who lived by the words, "The World Is Mine." The one who would stop at nothing until her goal was accomplished. We were reconciled. That said, I can't imagine how we could've gotten separated, but still.

We were imprisoned for a grand total of one day.

That night, I rested while she planned. The next day, I had apparently slept off the ice-cream-gut, because it was gone when I woke up.

"Bitching!" was the first thing I heard that morning. I had awoken to find Miku rejoicing at my newly regained slimness, poking my side and smiling gleefully, like I was her Christmas present or something. Still, she was happy, which was all that mattered to me. "This is just what I was hoping for!"

"QUIET IN THERE!" The guard yelled from outside.

Miku stuck her tongue out in his general direction, then turned back to me. "This is so awesome. How did this happen?" she asked me. Like I knew!

"How did what happen?" The guard asked, turning to look inside. Turning to look inside, to see me, miraculously slim again. Uh-oh... "Back-up!" he yelled, and stormed into the cell, unlocking it as he did so. He ran towards me, and I braced for impact.

As the female back-up arrived, though, Miku stepped between us, with her "Oh-no-you-di-int" look on. "You people took away my boyfriend." She had never called me that before. "Of course you realize, _kore wa sensou_," she finished, quoting one of her most famous songs. In less than thirty seconds, she had taken care of the two guards who were both roughly her size, although a little bit bigger than her.

"Thank you!" I half-yelled in a hushed tone, dropping to my knees as I did so.

Miku rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. I couldn't allow you to get taken away again. The plan wouldn't work that way."

"No, I mean... Um, that is to say... Well, you see... Er... You..." I stumbled over my own words. Not the most romantic way to do it, I know, shut up. "You... called me your boyfriend."

Her face went redder than Meiko's usual outfit as she stammered, "Oh... Well, I-I, uh, it w-was... Um, y-yo- Shut up!" She turned away, still blushing. I smiled shyly. "Come on, help me strip these guys." Uh, WHAT?

Upon seeing my disgusted look, she elaborated, "We're gonna dress up like them, so we don't get caught while freeing the others. Okay?" She spoke slowly, as though to a child... or an idiot.

"Oh, okay. No yaoi, then."

"Uh, no," she stated firmly, rolling her eyes again.

In five minutes, we were dressed in the guard uniforms. 'Brilliant,' I thought. The outfits were conservative, simplistic, and the helmet came with a visor, which helped us not be as identifiable.

"Okay, let's go. I'll get Squads Delta through Zeta, you get Len, Rin, Gumi, and Gakupo. Got it?"

"Rin, Len, Gumi, Gakupo," I repeated to make sure it stuck. "Got it!" I grinned.

As Miku went over to the cell block where the Kasanes were being held, I went across the hall, where the Kagamines were still asleep. When I unlocked the door, however, they were both instantly awake.

Len snarled at me, "What the hell do you want, scumbag?"

I lifted my visor, and hissed, "Len, it's me!"

"DON'T TRUST HIM!" Rin shrieked, spinning me around and jumping on my back. "EEEEEEEEE!" She continued shrieking as she pulled my ears, hair, and basically anything else she could reach on my head, until my helmet came off completely, and I managed to bang her against a wall, slightly incapacitating her.

She slid down the wall, with her eyes half-closed. "Rin!" Len cried.

He started running over to her, but I caught him and said with more seriousness than anything else I'd ever said to him, "Len. It is me! Kaito!"

Frowning, I could see he still didn't trust me. "I don't believe you!" Obviously. "What's my favorite fo-"

"Bananas."

"My favorite c-"

"Yellow."

"My vehi-"

"The Road Roller."

He growled. "You... You only know this stuff because it's on file!"

I sighed in exasperation. This was taking much longer than it should have. "You've got a banana-shaped birthmark on your back, just between your spine and your right shoulder blade, you like the Touhou Project games best because Flandre reminds you of Rin, and you secretly like Rin's nickname for you."

"W-Which is?" he questioned, still skeptic.

"Little Lenny," I somehow managed to say with a straight face.

His face a mask of horror, he accepted the fact that I was indeed Kaito. "How did you know that stuff, though?" he asked.

"NO TIME!" I roared in a whisper (if that's possible), picking Rin up and slinging her over my shoulder. "Come on, we have to go get Gumi and Gakupo, then escape!" I dragged him by the wrist towards the cell with the other brother-sister pair in it.

"Gumi, Gakupo, it's me, Kaito!" Both looked up at me, with my panicked expression, and then at each other.

"LIAR!" Gumi yelled.

Len vouched for me. (Thank God!) "No, you guys, it really is him. That shriek you guys heard just now? That was Rin. This really is him!" I unlocked the door, and both stepped out.

By this time, Miku had freed everyone else, and it was time to leave.

Miku spoke to everyone now. "Okay! They'll never know we even escaped, as long as nothing goes wrong. Now, let's get out of here!"

We charged out of the facility, and we were almost to the exit. You'll _never_ guess what happened next. _Ever_. We were ambushed by the guards. Again.

The businessman led them again, and seemed eager to fight me again. He wouldn't get the chance, since Miku was still furious. He was such toast when she got her hands on him.

"I was considering letting you kids off easily, but I can see that you must be punished to the utmost extent. So be it! ATTACK!" he yelled, and the troops went forth.

"CHARGE!" Miku shouted over him, and we began taking care of the soldiers.

Rin and Len were using some sort of team martial arts to mow down their obstacles, Gumi was leaping and back-flipping and jumping off of people's heads and doing all sorts of tricks in the air (which was all really impressive), and Gakupo, instead of using his lethal sword, was using a metal staff to knock his opponents away. Meiko was in a fury, beating down several enemies at once, and Luka was simply using self-defense. Apparently, she looked the most abuse-able, so they practically flocked to her. She was like a Venus flytrap. Using her cell phone's secret function, Neru was lasering the guards while Haku employed some sort of drunken kung fu style. Teto and Ted, naturally, were drilling their attackers, (very effectively, I might add) and speaking... French as they did so. Weird...

As for myself, I was using my muffler as a third, extendable arm, holding the enemies for Miku to severely thrash. Once they were all down, we began advancing on the businessman.

He sneered. "I can handle you kids easily!" Wrong. Miku simply leaped up into the air, did a backflip, and kicked his head into the floor, which was conveniently made of granite tile.

Struggling to lift his head back up, the man looked up at Miku as she proclaimed, "From the sunrise until midnight, we'll always be watching you. WE ARE THE SECRET POLICE, BITCHEZ!"

"Miku?" I asked. "You spelled 'bitches' wrong."

She groaned. "Really, Kaito? You totally spoiled the moment, thanks a lot."

I shrugged. "Sorry."

And that was the end of that. Pretty much.

* * *

After we escaped to the normal world, we reported the guy to the head of the school, and he was arrested. Oh, the irony.

We continued monitoring suspicious activity around the school, and we even caught a few real villains. It was a good time, until we caught a villain that turned out to be the Principal on an innocent journey to the supply closet. Oops. Normally, we all would've been expelled, but he was impressed with us, and he let us off easy. We were given the honor of becoming the school's official 'Secret Police,' with our only condition being that our name remained, "Hatsune Secret Police." So, yeah.

All our troubles seemed to be over, until Gakupo started acting weird one day...

* * *

**Disclaimer, ed. II: I don't own Touhou Project, or anything associated with it.**

**Len: Yeah, LanternKeeper-san owns nothing. Not even his own house! He still lives in his mom's-**

**Me: YEAH, OK, LEN, I THINK THEY GET IT! D What's your problem?**

**Len: Payback, bitch. Pure payback.**

**Me: OTL gomenne...**

**Please review!**


	3. Venomania, Pt1

**Greetings from the strange realms of The Lanternkeeper's mind! I am the third chapter of his VOCALOID story! In this one, Kaito-**

**Me: SHUT UP! *shoots physical embodiment of story* DON'T TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENS, YOU IDIOT! Sheesh... Sorry. Anyway... Yeah, what it said. This one's on, "The Madness of Duke Venomania"! LOVE THIS SONG (in case you couldn't tell)!**

**Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed, I still don't own VOCALOID. If you think I do, then I feel I should inform you of your pants being ablaze. If you are lacking in the pants department, then please very kindly get out of this story. I don't want your pervy-ness contaminating it.**

* * *

It had been several days since the "Secret Police" incident, and things seemed to be mostly back to normal. One day, I finally got up the nerve to ask Miku the question.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I had asked, my voice cracking every other word. She cracked up laughing, and, once she had calmed down, said yes. Best. Day. Ever.

So, we began dating. As in, serious dating. We went out to dinner, we saw movies, and we held hands practically everywhere we went. Things were going well for me. Until one day, weird stuff started happening.

"Ah, Luka!" Our purple-haired, samurai-enthusiast friend exclaimed, walking over to us (Miku, myself, Gumi, Luka, Rin, and Len) during lunch. "I've been looking for you."

Luka reacted warily. "Okay... Why?"

"I want you to be my girlfriend," he stated calmly. Dammit! How did he have so much confidence with it, while I had to struggle with it?

Blushing a deep red, Luka looked at Miku and Rin, who encouraged her to finally say, "Okay. S-Sure!"

And so, Luka began sitting with Gakupo instead of us.

"I'm a little worried," Miku said, a few days after that. "Gakupo's not usually like this. He's a lot more... _brusque_ with Luka than he usually is, and she doesn't seem to mind. It's weird."

Gumi said worriedly, "He really is not acting right. I wonder what's wrong with him..."

A few days later, without warning, Gumi went and sat over with Gakupo and Luka for lunch. No warning, no heads-up, nothing. It just happened.

And so, we lost another.

Even weirder, Rin began expressing interest in Gakupo. Things were definitely not right. "He's just so... _handsome_, you know?" she said one day, staring over at him longingly. I followed her gaze and saw Gakupo lure her in with his finger, like, 'Come here, baby.' I raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Rin. Rin, who was... no longer there. She had gotten up and was walking over to Gakupo's table, like she was in a trance.

"Hey! Rin? Rin! Okay, seriously, knock it off, this is creepy!" Miku called after her. "Ugh! What the hell is going on over there?" she asked me frustratedly.

I shrugged, and continued eating.

Things stayed the same for the next few days, with Miku and myself at this table, and everyone else over with Gakupo. Even Len was hanging on his every word, not like he was infatuated, but like he looked up to him. What the heck, Len? I thought I was your role model?

After six days, Gakupo's table included: Luka, Meiko, Gumi, Len, Rin, and Neru. Haku had bawled her eyes out when Neru had stopped hanging out with her.

The next day, however, Haku joined the Gakupo-Harem, too. That was our name for their group.

The only girls who were still free were Teto, my sister Kaiko, Miki, and the new girl, Momo Momone. Unfortunately, because of her helpless-looking appearance, some of the ruder boys in the school had given her the nickname, 'Mo-moe.' Poor girl.

Over the next three days, Gakupo recruited Miki and Momo, and now Mikuo was with Len, 'picking up tips' from Gakupo.

Teto's 'abduction' was rather memorable, because she seemed to be fighting Gakupo's influence at first. Eventually, though, he won her over. Here's how it went down:

One day, Teto began walking over. Ted was chasing after her. He caught her by the arm, asking, ""Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Pourquoi tu me sors?"

"Je suis désolée, Ted, mais... je te déteste. Je ne veux jamais te voir de nouveau," she stated coldly, trying to walk away.

"Mais... mais je t'aime toujours!"

"Je m'en fiche." She tore her arm from his grip and went over, stroking Gakupo's left arm lovingly.

Ted was in tears, so Miku did her leader-thing, and brought him over to sit with us.

"I... I don't know what happened..." he began explaining hopelessly. "She's always been with me, ever since the beginning..." Miku was rubbing his back, trying to ease his pain.

"Miku," I cut in. "Have you tried talking to Gakupo yet?"

She sighed. "I tried, sure, but then he tried to get me to join, too, so I slapped him. Then I got mobbed by the other girls. They're completely brainwashed. They've been skipping classes, too. Have you noticed?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I feel confident, though. We'll think of something to make it better, though."

Things only got worse.

I lost my sister the next day. She was the sturdiest girl I'd ever known (tied maybe with Miku), never submitted to peer pressure, never did drugs or anything, a straight-A student. My little sister... was with the other girls, worshipping that purple slimebag. He was so dead.

I didn't go to school that day. I spent the day visiting with my brothers. "Where's Akaito? And Kikaito, and Mokaito?" Well, what was left of them, that is.

"Where do you think?" My personal robot, Mekaito, responded. He was built into each of the Shion family dorm rooms, so I knew at least he wouldn't abandon me. He couldn't. "Go ask Taito about your problems. He's older than Gakupo is, he'll still be around."

So, I went to see my eldest brother. "T-Taito?" I asked nervously as I stepped into his room. My yandere brother was almost always on edge, so I had to be cautious whenever I went to see him. After a moment, he stepped out of the closet shirtless, with a whip in his hand. "Um... W-What'cha doing?"

"What do you mean?" he asked in his deep voice. I gestured to his shirtless torso and the whip. "... Project for school," was his response while he threw the whip over his shoulder and went over to his bed to put his shirt on.

"Uh... Who's in there?" I asked, starting to walk over to the closet, which held a whimpering subject.

He was right behind me when I reached for the handle. "It'll be you, if you don't keep your nose out of my business." He had the whip back in his hand.

I backed away from the closet and leaned against the door.

"What do you want?" he asked somewhat impatiently.

I explained to him the situation in the lunchroom everyday, and told him about Kaiko. "I don't know what to do. We've gotta do something, or else... Something bad will happen."

He gave me a plan.

_The next day..._

"You're going to what?" Miku nearly screamed.

"I don't like it any more than you do, but as far as I can see, it's the only possible way."

"So, you're suggesting we infiltrate his group, I get that. But what I don't understand is why you have to dress up like a girl."

I blushed, then explained. "I'm basically Gakupo's rival, the top male in this group, so it wouldn't be safe for me to go over there. He'd suspect something. But, he won't, if I were a girl."

Miku continued pouting. "Why do I have to go, though?"

I shrugged. "Buddy system."

So, we reluctantly decided to put our plan into action in exactly three days, so I could get my costume together.

There was a change of plans.

Two days before we were going to put our plan into action, it happened. The unthinkable.

Miku was with Gakupo.

* * *

**Okay, I know you know how the story goes, but please don't spoil it for anyone like my story's physical embodiment tried to!**

**A/N: For those of you who don't know, "Moe," is an anime term that I really don't want to explain, so if you don't know, then Go Google It.**

**A/N: ALSO, MANY THANKS TO MY GREAT FRIEND SAKAGAMI HINA-SAN FOR BEING MY FRENCH CONSULTANT! (She says she isn't fluent, but that seems pretty fluent to me, hm?)**

**What they're saying:**

**Ted: What's happening? Why are you leaving me?**

**Teto: I'm sorry, Ted, but... I hate you. I never want to see you again.**

**Ted: But... But I still love you!**

**Teto: *literally* "I don't give a damn." (Accordion to Sakagami-san, since I'm too lazy to look it up myself.)**


	4. Venomania, Pt2

**Sorry, this chapter took a little while longer to get up. I had life-stuff to deal with. Anyway, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Seriously, you guys, I don't own VOCALOID. It would be awesome if I did, but I don't. So there.**

* * *

I didn't go to school the next day. The sudden loss of my girlfriend had put me in a slump. I had unplugged Mekaito, and spent the majority of my day either asleep or crying. Yeah, emo, I know. But that's beside the point. My moping was cut short, however, by an unexpected visitor at about seven in the evening.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Uhh... Standing in my doorway was a tall man with black hair, glasses, and a suitcase. He looked like a teacher.

I shifted my feet uncertainly, unsure whether or not to let him into my room that had become a hazard zone in my one day of depression. "Umm... No, you're fine..." I said quietly.

He cleared his throat, which made me notice how deep his voice was. "Well, my name is Kiyoteru Hiyama, and I have been selected by my agency to accompany you in your mission." He set his suitcase down, and he was suddenly unusually serious. "I will help you infiltrate and take down this school's new cult!"

... _E-Eeto_...

"Uh... 'Cult'?" I asked suspiciously. "What 'cult' are you talking about?"

He looked over his shoulder nervously, and asked, "Can we continue this conversation inside the room, please? This is a very delicate and private matter."

I blinked at him. "Sure."

Once he was in, he answered my question. "Recently, and I'm sure you've noticed this already, there has been an astonishing amount of strange activity in this school, and it all seems to be revolving around your friend, Kamui Gakupo." I nodded, signaling him to keep going. "This phenomenon has seriously affected our school's interscholastic activity performances, and it appears to be endangering our school's very way of life, so to speak." I just blinked again.

"So, basically, Gakupo's group is liable to take over the school, is what you're saying, right?"

He confirmed it. "Yes, that's the gist of it."

"Okay, then. Let's start planning this tomorrow, I'm tired right now." I don't remember anything past that, but the next thing I knew, I was waking up in bed.

Had it all been a dream? I looked around for any sign that Hiyama-san had been here, but, finding nothing, dismissed the entire thing as a dream, made up by my subconscious to motivate me. The result? It had worked. _'NO MORE BEING DEPRESSED!' _I decided.

I began to run out of the room, but I tripped on... something. Shocked into yelping as I fell, I took a look at what had caused it. I screamed again.

"Anata ga nokoshite imasu ka? Doko ni iku nodesu ka? " a high-pitched voice asked innocently. It was... I don't know what it was. A head, with its hair like an octopus...

I responded in the Japanese it had asked me in. "H-Hai... Watashi wa nokoshite iru. Yuujin o tasukeru tsumori desu. Dare desu ka?"

"Aa, sou desu ne! Ee? Atashi wa Tako Luka da yo!" Oh, Tako Luka! She was Luka's... Um... Actually, I wasn't sure how they were related.

"Anata wa watashi to issho ni kite kureru? " I asked her uncertainly.

Apparently, she was overjoyed. She jumped in the air, shrieking, "YATTA! Hai, ikimashou!" With unexpected strength, she then turned me over on my stomach, since I was lying on my back to talk to her, and jumped on my head. Weird...

* * *

So, after I had cleaned myself up, and Tako Luka had gotten a tuna for us to share for breakfast (not my favorite food, but one can't have ice cream for every meal, hm?), we set off.

We looked for Gakupo at lunch, but we couldn't find him. His group was too thick for us to see through. I glanced at Tako Luka, and she nodded. We'd have to ambush him later.

Sighing, I went through the rest of my classes until it was time for the one class Gakupo and I had together: co-ed PE. Oh, goodie...

After checking to make sure no one was looking, I slipped into a stall in the girls' locker room and quickly stripped to the most I could have on and still look like a girl... which turned out to be boxers and socks. Super.

With Tako Luka standing... er... Being guard, I got into my disguise: shorts, a t-shirt with small fake breast pads (I KNOW IT'S PERVERTED, ALL RIGHT?), and a blond wig, put into a ponytail. Ugh... This plan had so many holes in it... This was never going to work.

Thankfully, the gym teacher, a loud man by the name of Hagane (he didn't tell us what his first name was...), didn't ask questions about the new girl.

"Yo. New girl. What's your name?" Luka, the Gakupo-appointed "mob-voice," had no idea it was really me under the wig.

Crap. I hadn't thought this far ahead. Putting on a falsetto, I replied shyly, "I-I'm Kikaiko... Call me Kiki..."

"Whatever. Just go over to the other side of the net, and get ready to play." I looked past her and saw the type of punishment that awaited me today. Volleyball. Oh, God...

The ball didn't go to me very often for the first half of the game, so I was able to see what Gakupo was doing. He was on the other side, looking at me lustfully. I looked at him blankly, blinking. He responded by winking at me, making a smooching motion with his lips. Staring back confusedly for another moment, I saw what he meant. _OH, GOD, NO!_ My eyes widened, I blushed, and I scowled at him. Didn't see that one coming, did ya, Eggplant-boy? His expression changed from flirtatious to surprised, and the game went on.

A few minutes later, he tried to draw me in again, with the same result. He tried again after that, and I stopped taking it. With perfect timing, an opportune moment occurred. The ball was about to go over the net towards me, and I seized my chance.

I jumped into the air, raising my arm. The entire court just looked at me, struck silent by my daring. I slammed the ball with my forearm, and, two seconds later, Gakupo was lying on his back, seven feet back from where he was standing, with a volleyball in his face.

I landed on my feet, confident. Both teams were still silent. "What, bitch!" I yelled, ripping off the wig. "You just got owned!"

"K-Kaito?" Miku! "You're... dressed as a girl."

"Uhh... Yeah... Can you wait here for a minute?" Running out of the gym and into the boys' locker room, I changed back into my regular clothes. "So, yeah. EVERYONE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "EVERYONE, LISTEN!" The gym went silent. "I JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I JUST SAVED YOUR COLLECTIVE LIVES, SO, UH, YEAH!"

Miku ran across the gym towards me, and flying-hugged me. "You, my blue idiot, are amazing!" she said, laughing and kissing me at the same time.

"Oh my God! Gakupo, are you all right?" Our pink-haired friend, however, was not as amused.

"... Ow... Luka? What the hell happened? I can't remember anything after a couple days ago," Gakupo asked as Luka helped him off the floor.

Luka wasn't very helpful for long, as she must have realized what had happened. "YOU PERVERT! YOU BUILT UP A _HAREM?_ I HAVE _NEVER_ BEEN SO _EMBARRASSED_ IN MY ENTIRE _LIFE_!" she screamed between punches. Gakupo may not have remembered, but it appeared that everyone else did.

"Ow, Luka! Ow! OW! Stop it, please!" Eventually, she calmed down, and ceased her assault. Gakupo had a black eye and several bruises.

"He's right, Luka," Gumi said, coming up behind her. "Save some for the rest of us, would you?" She gestured behind her to an angry crowd of boys and girls, all cracking their knuckles.

The guilty party gulped, and the beatdown began, with Miku and me serving as the audience. "You didn't want any revenge?" I asked Miku about halfway through.

She shrugged. "Nah. I just got my new boyfriend back," she said, hugging me as closely as sitting next to each other on high school bleachers would allow. "I'm not missing a second of this."

I smiled. Victory.

In the end, all was well, with Gakupo just a little battered and bruised, but otherwise intact. Things went on as usual for a few days, before, inevitably, something happened.

Gakupo, Len, and I were drafted into the school's drama department for a musical. The title? "IMITATION BLACK". Oh, dear.

* * *

**I think it's fairly obvious what the next song will be, so there's no need for me to tell you.**

**Kaito: I just hope he remembers. I remember once, he started writing, and he couldn't remember what the topic was for more than-  
****Me: *strangling Kaito in a headlock* Oh, Kaito, they don't want to hear about that~. *cheerful smile, throbbing cross-vein***

**PLEASE REVIEW! Any and all reviews will be used to power my cookie generator, the results of which will be given to those who REVIEW!**


	5. Imitation, Pt1

**So, here's the next chapter, everyone! This one took a little while longer to get up than my other ones, but it's here! ... Well, the first half is... Enjoy~!**

**Disclaimer: HOW? HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT I OWN VOCALOID BY THIS POINT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?**

* * *

I looked at the script for the play. "'_Imitation Black_'?" I asked uncertainly. "What the heck is this about?"

Gakupo was rapidly flipping through the pages. "Are there _any_ girls in this thing?"

Len, however, was lying on the floor, eyes wide open in horror. "You guys... I already read the entire thing." Gakupo and I looked at each other, and then at the blond. "It's a love triangle."

Gakupo and I exchanged a look that said, "What's so horrible about that?" before Gakupo actually voiced the question aloud.

"It's between you and Kaito over me."

... What.

"You're... totally messing with us, right?" I asked, chuckling nervously. "This, this is a joke, right?"

Len just did a face-floor, since there were no desks around, and mumbled, "I wish it was."

Gakupo did not take the news well. "LIKE HELL WE'RE GONNA DO THIS THING!" he shouted, while throwing his script at the director, who had just walked in.

The director? Her name was Lily. Needless to say, she was not thrilled at this development.

"Oh... But, but you promised you'd help me, Gakkun!"

"When did I do that?"

"Remember, in exchange for me not telling anyone about-"

Gakupo began to freak out. "AAAAAAAAAAGH! DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT! DON'T TELL ANYONE!"

Lily was tough, though. "Oh, I don't know, Gakkun, maybe I should~" she threatened him, a look of mischievous mixed with innocence on her face.

Gakupo was panicking. "No, no, I promise, I'll help! Just don't tell anyone!" He was on his knees now, begging like a dog.

Len and I just looked at each other. What could be so bad that Lily had seen that Gakupo would be so panicked to have anyone find out about?

Lily bent down slightly to look Gakupo in the eyes, and asked quietly, "Promise you'll help me?"

Gakupo looked back at Len, then at me, as though searching for help. Len and I exchanged a look, then backed away a couple of steps, signaling, 'You're on your own with this one, dude.'

Having sensed defeat, Gakupo slid onto the floor and mumbled, "Fine, I promise," while Lily began jumping up and down in the air in a little happy dance.

Then, she got serious. "Okay, you guys need to have your lines memorized by 24 days from now, because that's when we start dress rehearsal. Here's a copy of the practice/rehearsal schedule for the entire thing, and you all have to be here for every practice. Okay?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Len was standing up now, holding out a hand to stop Lily, who had been about to go back through the door. "What's in it for us if we do this thing?"

Lily just stopped. "Oh. Nothing, really. I just thought you two might not want _these_-" she held up two manila folders, "to get out." One had my name on it, the other, Len's.

I snatched them away, handed Len's to him, and began looking through mine. In it, there were... NO! How could she have possibly...?

"How the hell did you...?" Len began, but was unable to finish his thought due to shock. "What the hell...?"

Lily just stepped over and gently retrieved the folders from our hands. "Now, unless you want these pictures shown to the entire student body, you'll help me with my production, kay?" She just smiled and left the room.

"..."

"..."

"OH MY GOD!" Len and I screamed at the same time.

"HOW DID SHE EVEN DO THIS?"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN!"

"WHEN DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?"

"HOW DID WE NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?"

"AAGH!" I screamed.

"AAGH!" Len replied.

We were both tearing out small chunks of our hair during this time. Gakupo just laid on the floor, crying. Not ten minutes later, we had joined him.

* * *

"Gawa? Shogawa Keiichi! Where are you? Answer me!" the purple-haired man known as Gurado yelled as he stormed into the room. "If you're a man, then come out and fight me, Shogawa Keiichi!"

"Gura! Stop this, please!" The blond boy, Lanmaru, ran up to his side and was tugging on his sleeve, tears in his eyes. "Gurado, please! You don't have to do this!"

"Shut up, Maru!" Gura shouted, and slapped the boy across the face, forcing him to let go. The boy lay still on the floor. Now free to further examine the room, the man began upturning tables and throwing chairs around. "Come out, Keiichi, you scared little mouse," he jeered with a smirk on his face. "I promise I'll make it hurt as much as possible!"

"... What the-?" the blue-haired man named Keiichi entered the room, a confused look on his face, which quickly melted into concern and shock. "Lanmaru! What did he do to you?" Keiichi ran across the room to the blond's side, who now had blood running down his face.

Gura spun around, a snarl present on his lips, and sneered triumphantly. "So, there you are, Sho... Let's finish this like only I can... Like men!" He began to charge the blue-haired man, until-

"CUT!" Lily bellowed from her chair, her bee-patterned beret lopsided on her hair. "Gakupo, you forgot to insult Len's weakness before you started destroying the room."

The purple-haired samurai blinked. "I did? ..." he was silent as he flipped through the script he kept in his pocket. "Oh, yeah... I did, didn't I?"

Lily shrugged. "I wouldn't have called it if you hadn't. I didn't at first because I wanted to see if you could still put it in later. Len, are you okay? You haven't moved since he slapped you."

Len got up into a sitting position. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's fake blood, by the way, so don't worry."

The director cocked an eyebrow. "Why are you using that? I thought we were going to wait to use the stage effects until the final rehearsals?"

"Oh, I had extra fake blood, so I figured, 'Why not?' you know?"

I looked back from the director at Len. "Why did you have extra fake blood with you?"

The blond boy put a finger to his lips, and said, "I got it for a surprise for my dear sister," winking as he said it.

"Ah. It's probably none of my business, then."

"Nah, not really."

"HEY!" Lily cried. "You guys, even though we've still got two weeks until the show, we need to really focus on this."

I nodded. "Right, got it. Sorry," I apologized hastily as I walked offstage so the crew could get the stage ready for the next take.

"Hey, Kaito," a voice called from the other side of the stage. I turned to see Miku, her long, teal hair in a braid down her back, picking up a table that Gakupo had turned over earlier.

"Miku? You're on the crew?"

She smirked as she said, "Pssh, yeah. Did you not see the cover of your script?"

At this time, I pulled my copy of the script out of my pocket and read the cover. "_Imitation Black... Controversial Love Story... Written by Lily... EDITED BY HATSUNE MIKU?_" I looked up, my face in a 'WTH' expression, and awaited a response.

Miku shrugged and answered, "Yeah, they wouldn't let me in as the editor, and I wanted to see how it went, so I joined the crew. Rin, Luka, Gumi, and Teto are helping, too. Teto's on lights-" the stage lights flashed several times, I assumed that was Teto's way of saying hi, "Rin's on sound-"

"HI KAITO!" Rin's voice blasted through the speakers, amplified several times. "I'M ON THE CREW!"

"RIN, SHUT UP!" I had expected this to come from Miku, but it was actually Len who had shouted back.

"WHY DON'T YOU MAKE ME, SHOTA-BOY?" At this, Len stomped backstage.

Then, there were sounds. Fight-sounds. Miku and I glanced at each other, then ran to the booth.

Luka was standing outside the booth, Len's head in her hands. She was having him look up at the ceiling, and I immediately knew what was going on. "Len, keep your head back. It's the only way you'll be able to stop the blood," she was telling him. Rin was standing nearby, a fearful look on her face.

"Is he going to be okay?" she asked Luka from behind her hands. "Please tell me he's going to be okay. Oh, Len, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear!"

Miku nudged Luka's shoulder, getting her attention. "What happened?"

Luka explained quickly, trying to keep her focus on Len's head. "Well, Len came storming back here, he said some things, then Rin said some stuff back, then he pushed her, then she punched him in the face, and now Banana-boy here has a really bloody nose."

Miku facepalmed. "Len, you know your sister is a way better fighter than you. Don't you remember when she overturned an entire fruit delivery truck because they didn't have any oranges?"

Len tried his best to nod, then gave up and said, "Uh-huh..."

"Well, I can't do anything about this injury here, we'll have to take him to the nurse's office. Kaito, go tell Lily what's going on, then meet us upstairs. Miku, come with me, keep Rin company." And with that, Luka began marching Len to the nurse's office, her hands on his nose.

"Okay," I shrugged, then went back onstage. "Uh, Lily?"

"Hm?" She looked up from her script notes.

"Er, Len's going to the nurse's, he got in a fight with Rin, now he's got a bloody nose."

I'd expected her to look more put out, but she just looked at the clock and said, "Oh, that's fine. Rehearsal's done for today, anyway."

Gakupo followed, then nearly choked. "Crap! Kendo starts in less than five minutes!" He grabbed his bag and ran out the door, turning in the opposite direction as the others had gone.

"Well, see you later, Kaito. Good job today!" Lily walked out the door, too, and went to who-knows-where.

Now completely alone, I picked up my own bag, and began walking to the nurse's office... all the way on the other side of the school. Ah, shoot.

* * *

When I reached the nurse's office, there were mixed sounds coming from inside. I heard hysterical laughter, screams of rage, sighs of exasperation, and yelps/moans of pain.

Not fully knowing what to expect, I stepped inside, and Len was in several casts, moaning in pain, Miku was in stitches on the floor, laughing so hard she could barely breathe, and Luka holding Rin around the waist as the blond psycho tried to get to her brother and wring his neck. "Uh... What's going on, you guys?" I asked weakly as I tried to take in the situation.

"Le-Len j-just..." Miku tried to explain, but was overcome with another fit of hysteria. "Lu-Luka, you eheh-explain it..."

Luka, still restraining Rin, spoke. "It turns out, Len-"

"-IS A DIRTY ROTTEN CHEATER WHO IS DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM FOR REAL!" Rin shrieked, still clawing at the air between her and her brother.

Luka just rolled her eyes. "Anyway, apparently, Len faked the whole bloody nose, so Rin is now trying to take revenge on him for the worry he needlessly caused her. Rin, I'm not going to let go, so stop squirming already!" She didn't.

I then turned my attention to Len. "So, what did she do to you?"

"Well, I've got one broken leg, a displaced kneecap, four fractured fingers, and a really bad headache." I paled.

My brain racing to try and figure out how long this would take, I asked the nurse, a kind, Hello Kitty-obsessed woman named Nekomura Iroha, "So, uh... How long will he be in here?"

Peering over her Hello Kitty-styled glasses at her clipboard, she cringed, then responded, "At least two weeks, definitely longer if his sister keeps aggravating his condition."

"B-But, the play's in two weeks!"

Iroha gave me a sad, sympathetic look as she said, "I'm sorry, but he definitely won't be ready in time."

* * *

"He won't be well again until _when?_" Lily screeched after I had given her the news. "You've got to be ****ing kidding me!"

I shrugged, fidgeting uncomfortably, as I replied, "I wish I was. What'll we do?"

Lily sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Well, the show must go on, we absolutely can't cancel it... Hm..."

"Kaito?" Rin walked into the room Lily and I had been discussing matters in. "Gakupo wants to know the status of the play as of right now."

"THAT'S IT!" Lily shouted, her eyes suddenly wild, manic, and energetic. "I KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO!"

"What?" Rin and I asked simultaneously.

Lily pointed dramatically as she declared, "Kagamine Rin, I hereby draft you into this school's performance of Imitation Black, performing the role of Kuzamo Lanmaru!"

* * *

**Whew, that was long... Anyway, I hope I stopped at a good place. I'll do my best not to procrastinate on the next chapter, I promise.**

**As always, please review! Thank you!**


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